by Matt Hevia
The don of douchebaggery, the Mickey Mantle of morons, the sultan of steroids, ladies and gentlemen: A-Rod. The man many have deemed baseball’s best player has admitted to doing steroids in an interview with ESPN’s Peter Gammons and, strangely, I couldn’t care less. I was more concerned with the fact that I’ve never seen someone look so orange on television, and I live on the south shore of Long Island, the home of fake tanning and fist pumping. Alex Rodriguez is the man that decided to smack the ball out of Bronson Arroyo’s hand in the 2004 ALCS, as the Yankees’ season was crumbling. He is the man that screamed while rounding third in an attempt to underhandedly force his opponent to commit an error. And, pardon me for sounding shallow, but this is also the man that is a fucking top-of-the-line third basemen, he could have any girl on the planet, and married a woman that looked like a coked-up back-up dancer for J. Lo. Then, on the rebound, he bagged Madonna about twenty years too late. His choice of women resembles his play in the post-season: shitty. If you are going to be a complete dickhead, do it 100%, go all the way, and date Paris Hilton. After re-hashing Mr. Rod’s history of poor and tasteless decisions, I ask, should it surprise a single person that this guy was capable of taking steroids?
Tags:
orange guys
madonna is old
penis-shrinking drugs
February 12, 2009 at 2:26pm
